the original kStyle blog.

Friday, May 07, 2004

Carla the Goddess

Carla has also done an admirable job with the Wednesday Writing Assignment. Her work was buried beneath 20+ other comments...As the Bible says, Don't hide your light under a bushel. Without further ado:

Every day is the Sabbath around here--or, anyway, it can be; the goddess is particularly fond of pleasant surprises, and she rewards any effort to please her, without regard to the day or season. Raspberries, chocolate, and/or sex are definitely among the best ways to please her (especially when combined in artful ways), but a good game of handball will suffice. (although she doesn't have to win all the tiime, unsportspersonlike conduct is a good way to get a smite, or at least a little hipcheck.) Gifts of wine and honey (especially local honey, and especially buckwheat honey) are always welcome.

Books are good, too, but, since she doubts the ability of her followers to choose them carefully (even though she writes down the titles and authors of the ones she wants in a little notebook that her followers could find if they really looked for it), she's happy if they just go to the bookstore or library for her. Tickets to a baseball game are always welcome, especially when the Phillies are in town. She is perfectly content if her followers dvide up the tasks of propitiating her according to their various talents. There is a special place at the altar for worshippers who are willing to do the laundry and clean the bathroom. There is a special place in hell for people who talk on the phone while driving and people who go through red lights. (No, it was NOT yellow; it turned red a half a block before you got to the intersection.)

Like Eric, the goddes does not like bad grammar, conservative politics, or smoking, but she has compassion for smokers (as long as they keep their nasty smells away from her) because she used to be one, when she was only a goddess-in-training. Because of her red hair, she is the patron saint of all things with beta-carotene in them, especially pumpkins, butternut squash, and sweet potatos. (Except cantaloupe. Cantaloupe is nasty and if you try to give her any she'll throw it at your head. She also doesn't like cucumbers or bell peppers, and she really hates mint, so take that mint-chocolate-chip ice cream AWAY, even if you do have raspberry sauce for it. Just bring her the sauce. Really.) She knows that her hair is getting very grey, but, trust me, that hasn't diminished her powers one little bit.


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