Wednesday Writing Assignment
Tell a joke.
posted by kStyle @ 9:46 AM
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This is actually the only funny joke I could think of that would be at all appropriate to share here. Anyone wants any inappropriate ones, do let me know.
A pilot crash-lands on an island and is taken captive by the native tribe. The chief comes to him and says, "Look, normally in these circumstances we'd just kill you, but it's a nice day and we're in a good mood, so we're going to give you the chance to earn your freedom."
The pilot asks how. The chief says, "In front of you are three caves, and in each cave is a task you must perform in no more than one hour each. If you complete all three tasks in three hours or less, you go free."
He points to the first cave: "In there you'll find thirty bottles of vodka. You have to drink all thirty bottles in an hour. Then, if you can, go into the second cave, where you'll find a vicious lion with a sore tooth. You have to extract the tooth with your bare hands. One hour. Then, if you're still alive, go into the third cave, where you'll find a woman who has never been sexually satisfied in her entire life. If you can gratify her in less than an hour, you get to leave."
The pilot takes a deep breath and enters the first cave. For the next hour, empty bottles come flying out, and an hour later he staggers drunk out of the cave and goes into the second one. For an hour, the natives hear the lion's screams and wails, until finally the pilot emerges.
"Okay," he says. "Now where's that girl with the sore tooth?"
1. Have you heard about the Buddhist vacuum cleaner? It comes with no attachments.
2. A blast from the past: Pete and Repeat were sitting in a tree. Pete jumped down. Who was left?...Repeat.
Pete and Repeat were sitting in a tree...
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"No attachments." That's clever!
Ann, that one's awesome. I hadn't heard it before.
That is a good one, Ann. Nice.
A man goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy with a dog. He says, "Pardon me--does your dog bite?" The guy says no, so the man pets the dog, and the dog bites him. The man's hand is bleeding and he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
"He doesn't," the guy says. "But that's not my dog."
HA! Not my dog.
Variations on a theme:
An old man goes to confession, sits in the booth, the priest asks what he has to confess. The man says, "I'm 85 years old and I'm having an affair with a 22-year-old woman. She just moved into my apartment. We have sex all day."
The priest tells him to say five Hail Marys and ten Our Fathers and to knock off the affair. The man says, "But I'm Jewish."
Priest says, "If you're Jewish, why are you telling me?"
Old man says, "Are you kidding? I'm telling everybody."
* * * *
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying. Another fellow sits down next to him, asks what's wrong. The old man says, "I'm 85 years old and I'm having an affair with a 22-year-old woman. She just moved into my apartment. We have sex all day."
The other man says, "That sounds terrific. So why are you crying?"
Old man says, "I forgot where I live."
A cop pulls over car speeding down the highway. As she's about the write a ticket, she notices 5 penguins sitting in the back seat.
"Sir, you have penguins in the back seat."
"Yes."
"I think you'd better take them to the zoo."
"That's a great idea! Thanks! I was trying to figure out what to do with them."
The next day, the same cop pulls over the same car for speeding. The penguins are, again, in the back seat.
"Sir, I told you to take those penguins to the zoo."
"I did, and we had a great time! Today we're going to a ball game!"
I liked that boomerang joke, perhaps too much. HA!
Of course, you've likely heard the more common Buddhist jokes, but just in case:
1. Zen monk to hotdog vendor: Make me one with everything.
2. The hotdog vendor takes the monk's twenty and places it in the box, then serves the next customer.
Monk: What about my change?
Vendor: Change must come from within.
And I thought they would have to fry the Eucharist to serve it at a fair.
Wait. Why does a state fair need religious services?
Oh my word, Ann, there's a whole "On a stick" category. And I thought you were being somewhat facetious.
This ain't the Rehoboth Fair no more.
If I'm not mistaken, this post may have set a Float record for Most Comments.
It very well might have. It's hard to know for sure, because when I switched templates back in the day, all the old comments were lost.
Emma, you're probably right that a fried Eucharist would have to be dusted with powdered sugar. You are the pastry expert, after all.
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