the original kStyle blog.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Wednesday Writing Assignment

I’ve been writing a lot of marketing copy lately. It’s recalling fond memories of an persuasive essay assignment Ann & I did together in high school. As “Gail” and “Lily” (or some other such names), we held a faux Tupperware party in our English class. (Ann has since written a charming poem, which I believe was inspired by our Tupperware sales days.)

Your assignment, therefore, is to sell something to the rest of us.


Blogger Eric said...

Dear Sir or Madam,

Enclosed please find my proposed manuscript, Death and Hermeneutics in the Poetry of Mathilda Deagancourt, which I am submitting for your consideration. I have worked on it for the better part of nine years, and I believe it makes an important contribution to the study of critical theory and vague, jargon-laden pronouncements.

In addition to its discussion of more than five dozen poems by Ms. Deagencourt, the manuscript offers the first-ever analysis of writings heretofore uncovered. Most of these were unearthed during my search of the poet's garbage, and include shopping lists, to-do lists, and assorted post-it notes containing phone numbers and the like. I should think this would greatly enhance the book's marketability and sales potential, and I would look forward to a media tour that might include the New York Times, NPR, and Oprah Winfrey's book club.

Please respond at your convenience, but do so soon, as I am up for tenure and need your approval by next Thursday. I am giving you a chance to get in on the ground floor of the most signficant development in the field in decades.

Sincerely yours,

Deena Trager
Assistant Professor
Department of English

12:36 PM  
Blogger kStyle said...

The Center of Life Church invites you to its weekly discussion group. Center of Life is the new religion of the millennium, adapting ancient wisdom for modern times. Our tenets are Fundamental Truths, which will bring you to a High-Vibrational Understanding ™ free from fear, pain, and suffering. The Center of Life Church understands:

*You are an Immortal Being, blessed with the ability to awaken to High-Vibrational Understanding ™
*Perfect health is available to you
*The Second Coming of Christ is near, as His cells from the Shroud of Turin are, right now, being cloned by our High Priestess S’kren’ffa in a high-tech lab, secluded from Low-Vibrational Interference in the northern stretches of Russia
*The Dark Lord is also upon us, spreading Low-Vibrational Interference to catalyze the final battle between Good and Evil

Awaken today! Call the Center of Life Church at 800-55-CLONE.

1:13 PM  
Blogger Emma Goldman said...

Who knew that church was really about vibrators? Probably get a lot more parishioners that way, though.

7:13 PM  

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