Savages

Announcing an engagement brings great surprises. It transforms loved ones into wedding-hungry savages. It's strange to me that all my life accomplishments up to now--including graduating from a prestigious university and surviving middle school, complete with heckling snobs and a dramatic evacuation from a burning school building*--apparently pale to a deathly wedding-gown-white in comparison to throwing a big party that formalizes my committed relationship of three years. I mean, we've already bought a house and adopted a kitten together.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blase about the whole affair; au contraire, I'm quite happy. But I'm happy in a contented sort of way, not a way that merits three phone conversations a week with my excited mother. You know that jittery, amped-up feeling that results from eating too much sugar and drinking too much caffeine at breakfast? You know how it usually settles down with a nutritious, protein-rich, balanced lunch? Imagine that feeling sustained over the last 2 weeks, since we announced our engagement to my folks. No amount of miso soup or turkey sandwich can help me now. I fear I will have a heart attack by next July 1.


*No, really, ask Ann.