Consumer Christmas, or Pretty (Useless)

Nothing screams capitalism like the American Christmas. I find myself constantly arguing with people offended by presumably Christian Santas or carols that Santas and most carols are not, in fact, Christian, but Capitalism-ian. Speaking of carols, I had my first-ever holiday meltdown in the car driving home from work yesterday. As Johnny Mathis asserted in a perky croon that It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, I realized that my holiday season resembled little of the parties for hosting, marshmallows for roasting, and carolling out in the snow, and much more the office so busy, I leave my work dizzy, oh Lord, it's a three-ee day week, please help me get it done, I have no time for fun, and school starts again in two weeeeeeeeeeeeeeks. I prefer June.

But oh, the flourishing of useless, pretty crap we give each other this time of year. It's the fragrance ads that get me. Ever have the feeling that they were designed entirely by and for the gay male population? The Dior commercial looks like gay porn: all wet male abs and closeups of a pretty boy face. Even more ridiculous is the Poison ad. An undernourished, over-eye-make-up-ed woman and an animated black panther slink toward a pedestal crowned with a bottle of the purfume. They're about tied in their race, until the woman swipes the great cat with her nails, emerging victorious as the animal-winner of the fragrance-prize. Then they get to the price for these dinky bottles of stink: a $75 value for only $57.95. The most I spent on a gift this year was $40. And that was the sole gift for that person.

Makes me want to convert to Judaism and Socialism. Where's the recruiting center? Do I get a cash bonus for joining?...No? That's not how other traditions work, you say? Well. In the meantime I'll have to cheer myself up with this early Christmas present from Greg. It's wonderful and you should treat yourself to a copy, especially if you found yourself nodding at this rant. What? You say it's just more holiday crap to buy? Well, if you can't beat 'em, laugh at 'em.