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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Life Is a Terminal Condition

The school's not the only entity dying; so is its leader. Today what I feared was confirmed, that my teacher's cancer is terminal. It's very sad when someone with so much light starts dimming. She is such a blessing to all of her students.
She is our sensei.
It's a sacred relationship, one that can be hard to find in our culture. Not a mother, she never had her own children, but for many years she helped her students grow. Her energy was not maternal, though. Caring and certainly loving, but with a certain distance that gave her a mystery, like the graceful crane she chose as the symbol for her school. But the crane means longevity, sadly ironic.

We've all begun our mourning though she is still here. Many phone calls, many voices breaking mid-sentence. Much questioning that dissolves into, It's just so sad.


My prayer is that we can find our lesson in this, too, that we will learn from our sensei's death. She will die gracefully, as she lived, to be sure. And we all must. We all must. We all must die. Life is impermanent.

4 Comments:

Blogger Emma Goldman said...

I'm so sorry.

I went through this, in graduate school, so (a) I know a little bit about it, and (b) if you want to write to me about it offline, please feel free to do that.

12:19 AM  
Blogger kStyle said...

Thanks, Emma.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Ann said...

Sad indeed. I'm sorry.

10:16 AM  
Blogger kStyle said...

Thanks, Ann. Yeah, it's icky-sad.

9:32 PM  

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