The PMS Diaries

9:30 AM. I’m resisting the Hoodsie ice cream cups that I know are sitting in the freezer, leftovers from our company picnic. Oh, but that cool, smooth ice cream sliding down my throat would sure feel good…

10:45 AM. I crack, waiting for a fax to go through. I grab a Hoodsie and take it back to my cubicle-lair. It was delicious. I want more.

2:30 PM. Hormones have weakened me. I am a slave to the Hoodsie cup, my filling and nutritious lunch no longer able to stave off the craziness of womanhood. I attack.

2:45 PM. Like a satisfied cat, I lick my lips, the empty Hoodsie container next to me.

4:30 PM. Arriving home, I remember the Pepperidge Farms coconut cream cake sitting, squat and delicious, in the freezer. I have a small slice. Delicious.

5 PM. Several cumulative slivers of cake later, like an overstuffed Godzilla, I require a nap.

6 PM. I arise and yawn, refreshed. Reflecting that I've consumed a few extra calories today, I head for the gym.

6:30 PM. I chose yoga over my usual workout because my neck has been stiff ever since Wednesday's cobra nightmare.

6:45 PM. This teacher is HARD.

7 PM. Yet another downward-facing dog for yet another five seconds? Who IS this woman? That's not a tan, is it...No, no, she's probably Middle Eastern. A terrorist! A terrorist come to fatigue American muscles so that we will be defenseless and weak when they attack the gym at 7:30! I hate her.